Monday, November 26, 2007


A very long time ago I set up a simple MySpace page out of curiosity. It was nothing more than a simple bio; nothing that would give away any deep secrets about me, nothing to inform a reader anything more than there is a guy in this world whose name is Scott.

A year or so later I find out that my niece lives on MySpace – who incidentally is only eleven. I told her about it while visiting with her in Houston, showed my profile to her, and watched as she clicked on my photo until you could see electrons in orbit around a single atom of my nose.

When I had gone home, I wrote her a note using MySpace, and found that she was no longer on my list of friends. I called her up and asked what happened, but she played Jimmy-the-Dunce, saying she didn't know.

I let it go. Fine. Big, dorky Uncle Scott's picture was too embarrassing to include on her list of friends. It hurt my feelings, but I let it go.

That is my brother's daughter. My sister's daughter is only ten, who recently got her own MySpace account and is masquerading as a fifteen-year-old. She found me and added me to her friends list a couple weeks back. My sister too, and a couple cousins as well. They've been leaving comments on my photo – derogatory comments, suggesting that there are younger photos I should use instead. I didn't feel like commenting back and frankly I didn't have the time, and still don't. Work has me nailed to the wall and I shouldn't be spending the time to write this.

I talked to my brother and mentioned about how his daughter deleted me from her list of friends. He concluded that she was probably hiding from me. I gladly accepted that explanation because it hurt my feelings a hell of a lot less than my own explanation. But last night, my sister commented something to the effect that she found out the real reason my brother's daughter had deleted me, and that she, my sister, was deleting me for the same reason. Fix your page, she said, and then add her back.

Then her daughter wrote me a comment soon after, saying to fix my page, that I am married and don't comment back, that I was spying on her.

Excuse me?

I've been steaming about this ever since. The very first thing I did is deleted the MySpace account altogether. What started out as an experiment has turned into me being accused of being a voyeur or worse.

I'm so mad about this, on so many different levels. The absolute gall of my sister, and the disrespect! If I were there in Houston there would be a whole lot of attitude adjustments going on. To think that they feel they can treat me that way. Like I'm competing in some beauty or popularity contest. Since when do I have to earn the right to be friends with family?

You see, this is the kind of thing that fractures me from friends and family, the kind of thing that makes me want to scream, "Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?!"



Alan said...

I know a little bit about how being disrespected can so utterly and successfully piss a person off. Disrespect was the source of my months-old falling out with a person in my cypher, and I haven't tried to repair it yet. Primarily because she hasn't tried or even acknowledged that she dissed me.

And that's the thing. Most times, the disser isn't even aware what they've done bcause they are mostly only thinking about themselves. And THAT'S the pisser. Especially when they are someone who means something to us. If a stranger on the street disses you, you get pissed, maybe you cuss they ass out, and you forget a day later. But if it's someone you trust, and with whom you've been open with and vulnerable -- you want to believe they are sensitive to your needs. But when they show that they really aren't thinking about your needs at all in the moment they say something irresponsible and selfish, it hurts like a bitch for real.

I'm telling you this and it's become a mirror suddenly, bro.

Most people go on from an incident like this with resentment. Most times we dont bother trying to repair it -- we just love a little less each time.

I don't want that for you, Scott. For some screwed reason, I'm thinking family is worth the pain of reconciliation. Just because its family. I reserve the possibility that I'm wrong. I don't have much of family -- well, none actually -- and I could just be sentimentalizing. And toxic people should be avoided regardless of their biological ties to us. On that I'm clear.

But, and only if it's possible that your family was only being thoughtless and not trying to actively disrespect you, I'd lean you towards the side of reconciliation. Take Sis aside some time and tell her how it really made you feel -- if she's the kind of person who will listen without scorn or ridicule.

You and me, Scott -- rejection kills us. I think that was the biggest sting of all. Even though I don't have family, I understand where you're coming from. Hell, YOU guys are my family.

So hang tough. :-)

Scott said...

Thanks Alan. You're right, the sting of rejection is too much for me. I'll eventually call my sister, but not now. Right now I would say something that I possibly couldn't take back later. What I have to keep in mind is how things "sound" when they are read, with the worst possible intent, depending on the sensitivity of the reader. Still, it rankles me that I was deleted.

Alan said...

Dude, frankly I don't get that. You're one gorgeous, rugged-ass, dimpled specimen of manflesh as far as I'm concerned. And I'm in touch enough with the Inner Gay to know what I'm talking about. :-D

You should see my Yahoo Mail Inbox. Nearly 3000 messages just because I have a hard time deleting messages from people. E-mails duplicated in Yahoo Lists and blog pages, I still keep for a while ... just because. And personal e-mails? Forget it. I still have them from 2004.

But clearly, it doesn't mean to them what it means to us, lol.

Anonymous said...

Take it up with your brother. Eleven year old girls are freaky weird. I'm not looking forward to my daughter after 8.


Scott said...

Alan - I'll take that as the compliment it was intended to be!

Edge - I've thought about that very seriously. I decided for now to just write my sister an email. It said everything I wanted to say without going completely off on her.

Alan said...

Lol, yes that was my way of complimenting. I know there's a yuck-factor there but have no fear.

I'm just all about accepting myself these days. Not gay, but knowing what attractive men look like. Not a skill I relish, but there it is. :-D

Bailey Stewart said...

I'm so sorry Scott - that had to hurt. Families can inflict that kind of pain. I know from personal experience.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't really want my uncle seeing my facebook profile. It would make me feel like I had to censor myself. There are certain things you are comfortable sharing with your friends but not your family.

That said, my brother is on my facebook. I would feel maybe a bit hurt if he dropped me from it. But mostly confused.

Beth said...

Scott, on one hand, I think most teens are saying and doing such outrageous things on Myspace, they don't want their uncle reading it and turning them in to their parents, but on the other hand, your family just handled this so ... damn wrong.

I'd be really pissed off about the accusations more than anything else. Sounds like your niece may be guilty of some foolish things and turned it around on you. I could be wrong though.

Scott said...

Bailey - Thanks

Trevor - Come to think of it, I wouldn't want my family there either.

Beth - Just remember that my youngest niece is only ten or eleven, and the sought me out and added me as a friend. I had nothing to do with it other than accepting the requests. Both my nieces have their mother and father as friends, so its not like I could turn them in. Point taken though.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

How did this all get so blown out of proportion??


To quote His Morrison-ness

'People are strange'

Shesawriter said...

What I want to know is what a child that age is doing on the internet to begin with. And then there's the one masquerading as a teen. I don't tell people how to raise their kids, but there are too many perverts, psychopaths and nuts out here for that. Sorry, I just feel very strongly about this. My son is ten and I don't let him near the net. And my sixteen year old daughter has *supervised* access.

magnetbabe said...

Wow. I was about to comment something similar to shesawriter. First of all, WTF is your sister thinking letting her 11 year old on myspace! I'm not even a mom and my maternal instincts perked up at that. Not only is the internet full of perverts and freaks but it's full of teens and tweens who are ten times meaner online than in person. Just look at the way your niece felt she could treat you in cyberspace. Don't get me started on internet social networking sites (of course blogs are different!). But no matter what, 11 year olds should have only VERY limited access to the internet.

I'm really pissed off for you scott, but I think even more I'm still in hysterics over alan's man crush up there.

You're one gorgeous, rugged-ass, dimpled specimen of manflesh...


Alan said...

LOL, MagBabe! You know it's true!

Tee said...

How incredibly insensitive. To be treated like that by a stranger would suck enough, but your own family?? :(

I have a myspace page and was a bit disgusted by the immaturity of people. (And we're talking high school alumni who are nearly 30 years old now.) ... Of course, the place is set up that way. "Top Friends" and such. It's like high school all over again.

The actions of your family say nothing about you and everything about them. {HUGS} ... So many good points have been made here in comments already. It seems you have plenty of people who value you for the cool person you are.

Scott said...

Toast - I'm wondering the same thing myself.

Tanya - I wouldn't let my kids anywhere near MySpace or anything of the sort either. But in my sister's defense, her daughter's profile is set to private, so you can't even visit without an invitation.

Nat - Yeah, that was pretty funny!

Tee - High school is everywhere, isn't it? I found it at a Petaluma, California company I worked at, and found myself trying to impress people that were being acting that way. I felt so dirty.

Bailey Stewart said...

How 'bout them Cowboys!!!!!

Toni Anderson said...

Sorry--I'm trying to be annoyed for you, but too busy laughing at Alan's compliment :)

It was a dumb thing for your sister to say--rude and mean too. And no way would I let a child on those sites. Just because :D

I have MySpace and Facebook and I've actually found a bunch of old school buddies online. I like that. But there are a lot of weirdos out there.

Beth said...

Okay, both parents can see and comment. You know what, Scott? This is just plain odd. It's like you've been told you're some weirdo or something. That's just blech.

Dixie Belle said...

I don't know very much about My Space. I have been there a couple of times but it seems the pages are too cluttered or something. I don't get what they meant by fix your page. However, I'm the type to get even. So, if I were you, I would get a new page and fix it up. Oh, we can all come over and be listed as "friends". Then you can invite the brats over to your new My Space and, of course, merrily delete them. LOL! BTW, I don't cut family any slack whatsoever.

Kathleen said...

That's just so stupid! I have a MySpace page which I visit rarely...but all my friends are either relatives (brother, cousins, etc., RL friends and some Internet friends). I have done literally nothing to the page and I can guarantee that none of them would delete me just because my page isn't updated.

You have every right to be angry and I would have deleted my page, too. Teenagers are one thing, but your sister??? Give me a break.

Kathleen said...

LOVE LOVE Dixiebelle's idea. ;-)

eda said...