Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Sweet Relief

I won't say what it was about, but my wife was as mad at me as she has ever been for the last couple days.  It was to the point that I actually thought she might leave me.

It definitely wasn't about politics, so get that off your mind!

Up until we made up yesterday, I had to seriously consider what it would be like if she did leave and take my children away from me.  My oldest son needs me more than my youngest does, and it would kill him, after all the promises I made that divorce happens to other families.  My youngest son would be lost without his mother.  He's my bestest little buddy, but he's momma's cuddle bug.  As a child I went through divorce four times; the first two were devastating.

And of course there is my wife, who admittedly I take for granted in many ways.  I've always been secure in the fact that she loves me.  We aren't just some couple that have fallen into a rhythm of co-existence.  We work on being better for one another.  Last weekend was devastating, and it demonstrated how disatrously close any relationship, no matter how strong, is one wrong move away from destruction.  Alliterate much?

And as a side note, here is a survival note for all you husbands out there.  Women think completely different than we do.  They are emotional first, and that trumps reason.  That's not to say reason doesn't exist, but emotion needs an outlet and the best thing, if you have the stamina, is don't staunch the flow until it's all out.

But in that time when I was considering my future alone, I really came to appreciate what I have.  I didn't care about politics, my future, playing my guitar, World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, not even about eating.  Nothing mattered anymore.

Life is back to normal again, and I'm the luckiest guy I know.


Hoodie said...

I'm glad to hear that differences have been resolved and you're feeling right again. I know that differences with my spouse affect me stronger than anything else can.

My husband's mother just announced that she and her second husband are divorcing. We are sad, but not surprised. The most difficult thing is watching her deal with the idea of being alone and financially responsible for her still two dependent children again. I believe that there are situations where divorce is for the best (i.e. one of the parties is scum and unwilling to change/work to resolution) but most of the time I think that a marriage should try to be saved in every way possible for as long as possible, especially where children are involved.

In a world of splits and uncertaintities it is a beautiful thing to hear a story of rectification and forgiveness.

Vesper said...

Scott, I'm very glad things worked out.

I've always been secure in the fact that she loves me. We aren't just some couple that have fallen into a rhythm of co-existence. We work on being better for one another. - I like this. I think your answer and your strength is in there.

Plus the children. I believe they are the first ones to be taken into account in such a situation. I know I would never do that to my daughters, regardless of the situation.

So, I'm glad that everything's OK with you. :-)

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Ooh! Such near-tragic mystery. Did you use all her leg-waxing kit? Steal her mascara? Dress up in her clothes?

I guess we'll never know.

'You don't know what you've got till it's gone'

Or about to go..

Alan said...

Well damn, Scott! I'm amazed you were able to hold the conversations here as well as you did considering this was going on! I don't know how you didn't rip me and Natalie and all us Obamites a few new ones! With that kind of stress going on at home, and the fear you expressed about the future of the country? You still managed to be civil and express yourself without a resounding round of f-you's for the lot of us.

Dude you are SO the man. And as such, I'm so glad y'all were able to make up. I like thinking of a guy like you surrounded by the love of a family like yours.

Natalie said...

I agree with Alan. I know when Deano and I are in a rift I can't even function in real life let alone blogland. Way to keep it together!

Scott said...

Hoodie - I think you are right about there being situations where divorce is best, even with kids involved, but it would kill me--just kill me to do that to my kids.

Vesper - And I get you when you say you would never do that to your daughters. What a life it would be to be living with a spouse that is only there because of the kids. Ouch. Talk about sacrifice. That would be bad for the kids in a whole different way.

Toast - I got just enough of a taste of loss to consider it for real. As to the why, it's just too involved and way too personal. It wasn't infidelity or anything close to that.

Alan - Well, I wasn't really all that mad except for at the beginning, and I've had so many fallings out over politics that I keep a part of myself guarded, trying not to take it personal when I start to feel insulted, because it's so easy to get offended when emotions start flying like daggers. I knew that everything would be cool sooner or later. And it is. How 'bout that?

Thanks for recognizing that I handled myself reasonably well, though. I appreciate it.

Natalie - There was a point towards the end where I just didn't have the energy because I was so upset. It just didn't seem to matter anymore, like I said. I'm just glad we're all good.

Alan said...

So I've learned a little something. I think I'll only argue with people that are my acquaintances, or who are on political, impersonal blogs rather than my friends. Because I would WAY more have wanted to be there for you in personal support than be bantering back and forth with you about two millionaires who don't know and possibly will never know your name or mine.

Friends come first. I'm here for you from now on.

Dixie Belle said...

Happy Halloween!! from the witch down South. I just back from Texas and Katy is a nice area.

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

Scott, I don't know you, except through stories you have written for Clarity of Night contests, and your posts here. However, one thing was always evident, to me anyway. You are a good, decent person - who loves and enjoys family, friends and country. There is an honesty about you that comes through in your writing. I appreciate that and have told you so before.

You are very savvy, it seems, about women and how we are wired.
I know MANY women who would like for their husbands to be as clued-up as you are.

It sounds like you and your wife work on your relationship. So many people are not willing to do the give and take necessary for a good bond in marriage.

Sorry this is so darn long...but, I know what a divorce can do to people - esp. when kids are involved! I just wanted to say - I am happy you worked it out!

Scott said...

Alan - You were never not here. Disagreeing with me on politics is nothing but what it is--a disagreement. Always tell me what you think.

Dixie - I dropped a comment over at your pad. Thanks for the well wishes.

KLaw - I like that nickname. I really appreciate the kind words. I always try to be fair, but sometimes I get carried away, and like Alan I worry that I might cross the line. Thanks for making me feel that much better.

Beth said...

I hate fighting with my husband. We had a big fight today, but after 22 years, we both can stop and say, "Wait, let's restart." The days when we just kept going and fighting, uck, hated those times.

Alan said...


I can't think of anything to say right now that won't come out mushy and appreciative.

Dixiebelle said...

Hey Scott!! I'll check on you tomorrow and see if you've survived the election. Over in Jane's county, they've declared a state of emergency due to a big Klan (it is called something else now) rally. But this is Mississippi, the RED of Red States, an folks terrified that McCain will lose and guess what they say about that? The Blacks will take over and I'm like Hmmm? Have you ever had to "Press 1 for English and Press 2 for Zulu?"

Scott said...

Beth - I hear you loud and clear, sister. Awful times those are.

Alan - Keep it coming my friend.

Dixie - That almost makes me want to vote for Obama right there. People in Mass haven taken the blue pill when it comes to Palin, telling me that she's an idiot and such. But beyond that it really doesn't escalate to Klan fervor. Check back with me if McCain wins though. I might have to board up my windows.

Alan said...

Tell 'em we're coming, Dixiebelle! Tell them I'm going to bring 50 black teenage boys to come and take their daughters to the prom! Tell them that we're going to play Ludacris and NWA at the Inaugural Ball! Tell them ... bah. You know what? Their own fear and paranoia is justice enough. We couldn't do anything worse than what their own ignorance has done to them for the last 260 years.

Scott, if you need any help, buddy, I'll be there with hammer and nails. No one messes with my Scott for any reason.

Dixie Belle said...

Hey, Scott, don't worry about the windows. I think the old white dude is gonna lose. I wonder if they'll let Palin keep all those clothes? Check out Jane's post about her voting for Obama in Miss.
Thank god for the Yankees.
I'm waiting to see how everybody around here acts tomorrow. LOL!

Toni Anderson said...

(((Scott))) I read this the day you posted and couldn't think of anything to say in a comment to really convey the emotion I felt. The relief must be incredible. It is amazing how quickly a situation can get out of control. My grand always says, there's no such thing as a perfect marriage, everyone has to work at it. He's right.

By the way. She is always right too. Don't forget that :)

mr. schprock said...

My wife and I had a moment of truth about six years ago and our marriage ultimately benefited from it. It was hard though. I'm glad things are back on track again.

Tee said...

Been there too, Scott, and it is downright scary to look out over that cliff. Crazy things start running through your mind.

I'm so glad that things have been repaired and I hope you don't have to visit this place again anytime soon - I think all marriages do once in awhile, no matter how solid, but it doesn't make it feel any better.