Grandma and the Radio Shack Guy

My grandmother is like a Chinese dish: sweet and sour. But to me and my family she is only sweet. My dad is easily bothered by her, and perhaps with good reason. The stories he tells of his childhood are scary, the stuff of movies, of welts formed from a switch an inch apart starting at his ankles to just under his shoulder blades.

Grandpa passed away six months ago, so grandma is faced with many challenges now, like finding the will to live, and repelling the vultures that descend despite her cries that she is still alive.

They weren't a sentimental pair. I once asked her how she met grandpa.

"I don't remember."

"C'mon granny, you don't remember where you guys met?"

"It was at church." Grandpa, sitting next to her, didn't add anything.

Ask me how I met my wife, and I have a long story to tell. I'm one of the lucky ones in that it was actually romantic. But granny can't even remember. When grandpa died, after 65 years of marriage, she didn't know what to do with herself, and often she would fall silent looking at the chair where he always sat.

At first she wouldn't eat or leave the house, and we feared the worst. It's not uncommon for a spouse to pass away close on the heels of the other, but I've always thought grandma was too ornery to die. We've visited with her maybe three times since grandpa died, and each time she gave me little things that he had.

"Scotty, do you use Head and Shoulders?"

"No, sorry."

"It's shampoo!"

"Oh," I say, like I hadn't considered that.

"It was Jacks and I don't want it any more."

"Ok, I'll take it then."

And thus do I also have a collection of Old Spice.

Grandma, two weekends ago, was asked out on a date while returning a malfunctioning thermometer to Radio Shack.

"He asked me if I wanted to go dancing sometime!"

"What did you say?" I said laughing.

"I told him, I'm not interested buddy boy!"

I said, "What's the harm in dancing, it would do you good to get out of the house."

"No way, I'm all done with that stuff."

"I'm not talking about a date. You go out with Jiggs to play bingo don't you? This guy could be like another girlfriend."

"Leave grandma alone," my wife admonished from the back seat of the car. "She's doesn't want to."

"I've got no interest in any man. The fire in this furnace has gone out!" She smiled and added, "Even the pilot light."