Monday, July 10, 2006

Drop It Already

I really need to carry either a notepad or a tape recorder with me at all times. Several ideas, either for stories or posts, crossed my mind then washed down the stream. But that's alright mama, any way you do. My philosophy has always been, if I did it once, I can do it again.

Saturday morning started badly. My wife asked me how I liked the pancakes, and I did the unholiest of unholies and told the truth. Why not? Usually she is spot on. And besides, what if this was a test? It happens. But not this time. This time she really thought they rocked. So I stomped through a couple chores, gathering the garbage for the dump, mowing the pool area to bag the shavings, muttering all the while. This is usually my reaction to marital fights--extreme housework. She knows it too. If she wants something done, all she has to do is cop an attitude with me and away I go.

Anyway, she apologized to me later, right when I was thinking about doing the same. That always feels good. There is a fine line between ingratitude and constructive criticism. Alright ladies, let me have it.

My sixer stumbled into our room Saturday night holding his belly, keeled over and crying. The location of his pain scared us half to death. One thought froze our hearts--appendix. We propped his knees and probed the area, but he wouldn't let us touch. When we mentioned the emergency room, his pain did not miraculously disappear, but his complaining did. We gave him Tylenol and he fell asleep. The phone doctor told us to press the spot. If he wakes up, take him to emergency.

A half hour later he was in the back seat and I had a bag packed with toothbrushes, snacks and waters. It was just past midnight, and not a soul was parked in the hospital lot. Emergency was empty but for a single moaning grandma surrounded by family and nurses. The doctor made me feel better at once. The appendix, he said, is on the right side. Your son's pain is on the left.

Listen, he said. He placed two fingers flat against my son's liver and rapped against them with two fingers of the other hand. A dull thud. He moved to the stomach and rapped again. Hollow. Now over the afflicted area. Somewhere between dull and hollow. On the compass that would read dull by dull hollow. His intestines are full. An x-ray ruled out blockage. Little man has been holding it too long.

I told poop jokes all the way home.


Flood said...

This could be why every time I said something was hurting on me, my mom told me to go to the bathroom.

"My toe hurts!"
"Try to go to the bathroom."

Glad the little fella is ok. Must have been scary for everyone for a bit.

fringes said...

Appendix is on the right side, pain is on the left.

I laughed and breathed a sigh of relief at this line. I'm glad everything worked out. And that empty parking lot! Lucky you. We've waited four hours to be told "Yeah, sum'thin's goin' 'roun. The boy'll be okay."

Anonymous said...

That was certainly a scare. Thankfully, it was nothing serious.

BTW, when I had suspected appendicitis when I was 11, I became the night's entertainment for the residents. Each one had a glove and some lubricant ready.

Jaye Wells said...

Stomach pains always freak me out too. Glad he's okay. It's disconcerting how much your life revolves around poop when you're a parent.

Toni Anderson said...

You know--I've heard people who had appendisitus (sorry about the sp I'm having a numb moment), say the pain started on the left and worked its way around. I know another friend's sister went to the GP with a pain in her side (aged 16) and the doctor said--in front of her parents--that she was pregnant. 3 hours later she had an emergency op.

You did great going to the ER. So glad it was just a blockage :) My kids are awful for that and I was told pear juice. Works wonders...just don't down a pint of it after a thirsty day's work. Apparently :)

PS. Housework seems like a great way to deal with strife. Must suggest that to DH :)

Janie said...

Don't tell your wife, but it was probably the pancakes!

That's what The Professor would have said to me. LOL!

jamie ford said...

Argh. That happens to my 10-year old. Somehow he'll skate by eating nothing but Doritos on a weekend. Not good.

Devon Ellington said...

I'm glad it wasn't the appendix. Even the prospect of that must have been terrifying.

Definitely always carry a notebook with you. I've actually started to carry two instead of one. One of them is a reporter's notebook, so I can make notes on anything I think of -- I call it my "fragment" notebook.

The other, just recently carried, is a small, covered notebook, a miniature diary, where I can record thoughts and events, etc. I call it "miniature moments".

Ink in My Coffee

Kathleen said...

I always think the same thing - need to carry a notebook with me. Then when I have it, I have to make sure I'm not too lazy to write in it.

Glad the little guy is okay. I remember when I was young, the doctor told me to keep track of when I pooped, because apparently I wasn't. I remember being completely mortified at having to track such a thing.

Shesawriter said...

Hey Scott (Tanya says in a stage whisper),

Never, EVER tell a woman the truth about food, weight or clothes. If she asks you how something tastes, no matter how shitty, tell her it's delicious. If she asks if something makes her look fat, even if it does, LIE!


Tanya (whose DH has learned the hard dway)

Writing Blind said...

I love the way you tell a story. You get me all worked up thinking the worst and then it ends in poop jokes. That is a gift, man.

Anthony J. Rapino said...

So, I hate that it has to be me who asks but--what are some of the poop jokes?

Yeah, I went there.

Scott said...

Flood - A little scary, huge relief.

Erica - We've waited our share too. I definitely know how lucky we were all around.

Jason - I had a reflexive butt flinch reading that one.

Jaye - Good observation. We fall right into it without a blink.

Toni - Pear juice. Check. Thanks!

Janie - Good for the Professor. The meals can't all be winners after all.

Jamie - Amen brother. We have to watch them like hawks!

Devon - I have a little handheld tape recorder that I need to start using more often. The notebook is a good idea. Thanks for dropping by!

Kat - Yeah, we have some commonality I think. I feel the same way.

Tanya - I know, I know. It's just, well, sometimes I feel like I should, you know, tell the truth. Silly isn't it?

Rebecca - That was a nice thing to say. I was tempted to say that this was nothing, then I thought you would give me a reverse ass kicking.

Anthony - Sorry. Too silly to even repeat. Lets just say that kids are an easy audience.

magnetbabe said...

Last time I was blocked up, several Cosmopolitans and four cups of coffe the next morning sure did the trick. You might not want to try that with the little one. Why oh why didn't the phone doctor ask which side the pain was on?!

BTW~I'm messy and have a major attitude. Maybe you should spend some time at my house. ;)

Moni said...

Glad it wasn't the appendix on the left side. ;) Yeah whenever my daughter has a tummy ache I immediately ask her when the last time she had a bm. All roads lead to the poop shoop. lol

Cute story, bless his heart. I'm glad it wasn't something serious.

I'll tell this about my daughter. She would always hold her bathroom trips when she was in kindergarten. One time she couldn't hold it and had an accident at school, turns out she was afraid to use the bathroom at school because one of her friends told her there were lobsters in the toilet. Kids! Gotta love em'

Tee said...

ROFL! What a classic parenthood story! Well told. A good one to re-tell to potential girlfriends of the boy. LOL. Glad he's OK.