Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Soccer Camp

I took part of the day off yesterday to take my son to his first day of Soccer camp, a week long affair that lasts from nine to noon. The coaches are traveling abroad from England, three young guys on a journey through the states, having a good time along the way. There is something about the English accent that lends a fair amount of respect and credibility to the speaker. Kind of a reverse prejudice us Americans have to our country of origin. It's laughable, but when the assembled parents first heard the head coach speak, we all nodded and smiled. Our kids were learning from an authentic soccer player, not some American pretender.

If soccer doesn't work out, they might become a comedy troupe. Coach asked my son his name. My son told him. "I love your work Jackson," he said, "always have." He held out a fist for my son to bash with his own--a bastardized form of high five. Jackson regarded it like a serving of liver and onions. The coach said, "C'mon Jackson, don't leave me hanging." I took Jackson aside and taught him the knuckled-five protocol, practiced it a few times, then took him back to coach for his maiden voyage.

The coaches introduced themselves to the crowd of kids and parents by giving up an interesting personal factoid. One used to play soccer in the UK, another worked for a soccer team, and the other once ate twenty seven peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in a row.

My wife picked Jackson up at noon, and got the up and down scope-out from the head coach. She said he barely tried to conceal it. "Dog," is the term I believe she used. But let's face it, she wasn't totally displeased with the affirmation that yes, she still has it.

How many yummy-mummies do you think these guys end up with? This traveling band of boners--young, virile, with English flipping accents. How is a single mom to resist? Or worse, one whose husband doesn't take care of business at home like he should.

14 comments:

Jaye Wells said...

This post made me laugh. I am sure those guys are quite the topic among the moms. In fact, I guarantee it.

A very rare cute AC guy flirted with me the other day while he (ahem) checked out my ductwork. When he left I called all my friends to giggle about it. I am ashamed to admit it, but when the only men you see all day are under the age of five it's tough to remember that you're still a hottie.

Scott said...

Believe me Jaye, I totally understand.

Flood said...

Course, plenty of husbands have been lost to yummy-mummies, mind you.

I worry about anyone that would risk their families for 20 minutes of leg-shaking.

Or uh, whatever it is they do.

Bernita said...

Vain it might be, but it's still very satisfying.
On the other hand, if one is married and they know it, it's just a wee bit insulting.

Scott said...

Twenty minutes. Wow, that's a long time!

Scott said...

Bernita - Well, you never know unless you try. Being a mom doesn't mean being married anymore.

jason evans said...

Yeah, those English accents.... Their secret weapon.

Toni Anderson said...

LOL--what a laugh!

Scott just remember I have an English accent so they wouldn't do anything for me.

I think scoping women out is as natural as breathing for some men. The dumb ones don't learn to do it subtly.

Women don't mind being flirted with or smiled at--but some guys leer. Ugh.

Don't remember the last time I was scoped out--your Missus obviously still has it :)

fringes said...

By the time I lug all the equipment and coolers and chairs the two miles from the parking lot to the field, the last thing on my mind is getting shagged by the coach, I don't care what kind of accent he may have. But after a well-timed dinner and a few bottles of wine, hey...

Moni said...

Oh my goodness Scott, I know what you're talking about. My daughter had an English soccer coach year before last. Some of the women tripped all over themselves to gain his attention. I mean smelling of expensive perfume and wearing makeup to soccer practice...please all they did was attrack bees. Of course, I wouldn't stoop to such behavior, I was merely the "snack mom" every single time because I truly enjoyed it. Blahh hahah!

magnetbabe said...

Yummm....Transient English soccer players....
Scott, you had better stay on your game this week.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Sounds like I really ought to come out there and start showing off my err...skills.

Kathleen said...

Traveling Band of Boners??? This had me laughing. And hell yes, what woman doesn't want to know she still has it. Leering is something else entirely but an appreciative look? Oh yeah.

Scott said...

Jason - Too bad we can't learn to talk that way, huh?

Toni - Let's just say I married up.

Erica - Well, we just drop the kids off at camp, so there is no lugging. The mind is free to wander.

Moni - Snack mom eh? Nice angle!

Nat - No worries mate!

Toast - No word of a lie my friend. Wear a soccer uniform and you're in. Of course you have the whole English band scene in your favor too.

Kat - That's how I reason it out. It can't feel bad to be scoped, can it?