Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Be a Little Selfish

I want to pay everyone a visit, but I've got a couple things going on that make reckless to do so. There is a narrow opportunity for me to get my original design project back under way here at work, before any software emergencies occur. Actually, one did occur, and I'm trying to wipe that out this morning. A friend of mine from California has a business idea that is going to at a minimum make a little money, but has the potential to make a lot more. It involves an online (web) application, and I found some open source software that does ninety percent of the work. But it takes some of my time still to deploy onto a server and publish it to the rest of the world.

And, of course, there is my novel, that becomes easier to write as time goes on. I've been writing literally every day now, even if it is only for a half hour at lunch and an hour at night. It adds up.

As for my son, it looks like he took my advice, or at least has internalized it, and seems to have taken it in the most positive manner. I think, at his age, his heart cannot be broken as easily as us older folks, whose hearts have been glued back together so many times that sometimes it only takes a good shake to have it crumble. He's going to be ok.

I reiterated to him last night that he should only be friends with kids that want to be his friends, that if he starts taking abuse like that being dished other kids will take the same cue; and soon enough, everyone will be doing it. He went to brush his teeth, but came back and said in the tone of self-discovery, "He did hurt my feelings, and I don't have to keep trying to be his friend."

This situation spurred me into action. I wrote an email to the parent of one of Jackson's friends, with whom I have spoken several times at soccer games and such. Long story short, we have plans to get together. My wife is speaking with another friend's parent, and I have another call to make. My son is lonely, and I won't let that other kid have that power over him any more.

I think Jackson thought that there was only his side of the bargain to hold up, and that other kids didn't have to play up to him. I think we may have taught him a valuable lesson in regards to interpersonal relationships. You have to be just a little bit selfish to keep it interesting.

11 comments:

Toni Anderson said...

Being selfish is part of life--like finding time for everyone in your life.

You have to prioritise. Good luck with the projects. :)

My DD has a problem with a boy in her class undermining her friendships with other kids. Most of them are smart enough not to go along with him. He's charming and smart, and so is she--it's weird for a seven year old to focus all his energy on trying to stir up trouble for my little girl.

Bernita said...

Scott, this may be one of the most valuable things you have taught your son - that the onus isn't always his.
Glad you're working on the novel.The words do add up.

magnetbabe said...

You are a good, fair, sensitive man and it doesn't surprise me one bit that your boys have trouble putting their needs in front of others. It is best you are teaching him this lesson now, before some young chickadee tries to pull the same crap on him a few years down the road!

Sadie Lou said...

Oh wow. Nothing hurts me more than to see my kids suffer at the hands of other kids. It's like the one thing I really have no control over. Natalie and Ryan haven't adjusted very well to their new school. They don't have those "best friends" they had at their old school.
It makes me sad for them.
There's this one kid that rides their bus that gives my kids a hard time but his mom doesn't come to the bus stop in the afternoon and I do.
Translation: I have words with him every now and then and he has yet to bother my kids since...

Beth said...

I think it is so wonderful how you came to your son's rescue, Scott. I never allowed my kids to be lonely ... to a point. I knew there was a new friend around the corner, even if it was me who sought them out. Kudos!

Scott said...

All - Thanks for the wonderful comments. I'm so busy, but I will be by when I shake free.

Jada's Gigi said...

sounds like you are very busy...and sounds like Jackson is going to do just fine

Jada's Gigi said...

Oh yes, as for parenting be frustrating...it just is... no matter your methodology...I applaud your efforts...and I trust you know I'm the sort to tease...:)

jenbeauty said...

Good luck with all the work stuff and the possibly business opportunity.

I tell you, we have been having some friend issues here in our world too. I may blog about them now that I have read your stuff. I can totally relate and have a mom who thinks "girls will be girls" um not when your daughter is telling mine she is fat! Mine is exactly right for her age. That has not been the only issue, but understand how you feel about these parents who are not attempting to help their children not be the mean kids.

Dixie Belle said...

Writing every day is what counts! Keep up the good work, Scott.

fringes said...

Ah, parenting! Sounds like you're doing a great job. Godspeed on the business opportunity. Money is always good. Whoever says any different is jealous.