Monday, September 26, 2005

Short Start To A Short Story

This is the start of a short story, and idea I had last night. I labor over my words too much and I have work to do, but this is actually going somewhere...

"No, no, no, no, noooo!" he screamed and covered his ears, alone in a dark hotel room. The gigantic shadow of his head danced on the wall behind him, strobing like his heartbeat to the scene of death on the television. The high school photo of a dark haired girl reflected in the glossy marble of his eyes as a single tear ambled cautiously down his cheek.

He reached over the foot of the bed and shut the TV off and the blackness swept over him. He sat hunched over with his head cupped in his hands for over an hour; the hum of the nearby freeway was his only company.

The phone exploded like a fire alarm but didn't startle him. He watched the orange light on the headset flicker until it burned holes in his retinas, but made no move to answer. The calling party was unperturbed and waited patiently until he finally picked up.

"Ned?" came the voice from the other side.

Ned said nothing but his presence was betrayed by the wheeze of air squeezing through his constricted nasal passages.

14 comments:

Sadie Lou said...

Great start! I'm always amazed at people's skills in writing. It comes naturally for some.

Mr. T said...

Has a nice pulp fiction feel to it.
I half expected Nick Slade to come busting down the door to rough Ned up for some leads.

Good start.

Scott said...

Sadie - Perhaps, rabbit, perhaps. I won't claim to be there yet, but writing takes a lot of work, and I'd venture to say that nothing I do ever came naturally. I read and write a lot, the latter of which I have been doing more of lately, but I need so much more.

Mr T - I didn't think of it that way, but you are right, and I am pleased that it came off that way. Thanks for the observation.

jenbeauty said...

Can't wait!!

Mrs.T said...

Good start! And I agree with Mr.T..

Shesawriter said...

Okay, so who was the girl to him? And why was he screaming? Inquiring minds and all that...

Tanya

Miranda said...

Ack! It can't end there!
More! *bribes you with breakfast
sausage!*

The Zombieslayer said...

That's a good start. It would have kept me going.

The first three paragraphs are the most important. I'm the type of guy who will stop reading then if it didn't grab me. If it grabbed me though, I wouldn't put it down.

Trevor Record said...

Is this going to be a story based on real life or just complete fiction?

Beth said...

I hate exploding phones. When I read that, I thought of the feeling you get when they go off and it feels like something large and heavy hit you. It just jolts you out of peace and quiet.

Jason said...

And??? ;-)

Moni said...

I like it, very nice. :)

Braleigh said...

Delicious start. I demand the conclusion.

Scott said...

All - Thanks for the encouragement, and sorry I dangled the carrot but didn't let you eat it. It's software delivery time again and that darn work thing keeps getting in the way.

Tanya - That is the bare bodkin insn't it?

Trevor - Believe me, pure fiction.

Braleigh - Ha! I'm working on it.