Tag, I'm It

Mr. Schprock tagged me, and I'm passing on the favor. I was going to write a clever introduction, but I expended my energy writing out my answers. So, without further ado:

Seven Answers to Seven Questions

Seven things I plan to do before I die:

1) Publish a novel - So everyone says this, but I really, really want to do this. Hell, I'd settle for writing one to completion, one that has a definable theme, inner and outer conflict, climatic mini scenes and a punch-you-in-the-gut surprise ending.

2) Own a thousand acres of land with creeks and a lake, build my house on it and invite my father to build his own wherever he wants, as long as I can't see it.

3) Have enough money to send my children to good colleges, and teach them enough about the world to be intellectually independent, immune from politically radical professors. Throw in enough money to buy them homes and give them a head start in life, and yet somehow teach them the value of money.

4) Own and operate my own airplane. With fuel costs skyrocketing, I'm not sure how this one is going to play out. But I have always dreamed of flying through the clouds under my own control. I want a biplane that can turn loops in the air. Or--yeah, this is good--buy one of those Russian Mig fighters and pull a turn that nearly causes me to black out.

5) Have a small farm that can support myself if I suddenly couldn't go to the grocery store for a few months, and a store of water, canned and dry foods. I'm getting a little over the deep end here, but I fear I am too dependent on the trappings of society. I'd like to be able to survive if I had only myself to depend on. This is my inner dad talking.

6) Design and build my own Disneyesque theme park. I've always been fascinated with the rides through a fantasy land, where animatronic characters talk to one another as you ride by in wide eyed wonder. Think Pirates of the Carribean and Splash Mountain.

7) Create a truly artificially intelligent program, that is capable of thinking and responding according to it's own beliefs.

Seven things I can do:

1) Play guitar - I could be a LOT better, but I can play acoustic rythym, flat pick and some lead. One of my goals is to build a music room away from the house so that I can play and croon as loudly as I like. I can also sing within a limited range, and once in a while can figure out the harmony part of a song.

2) A back flip from my diving board into the pool--still. I used to do a one and a half, but suddenly I feel heavy.

3) I'm an old dog that really can learn new tricks. Give me the directions or a how-to guide, and I can almost always get the job done.

4) Play like a kid.

5) Apologize

6) Step into someone else's shoes

7) Party like it's 1999

Seven things I cannot do:

1) Travel back in time - I'm fairly certain this will never be possible in my lifetime, because I would have come back and told me what to invest in.

2) Be creative in a vacuum - I'm a '76 Nova in a snowstorm. I need my windshield scraped and always need a jump start.

3) Shut up - My mouth runs at a slightly faster pace than my brain, although the brain is starting to catch up. When I was younger I made the most inflammatory statements--although they were always true, at least to my way of thinking. This was good and bad, as I had a few good friends that admired that quality, but a whole army of detractors.

4) Tolerate assholes. You could file this under keeping my mouth shut or being diplomatic. You could also put this under one of the things I do best.

5) Organize my time - hardly a quality for a future business owner

6) Do two things at once. My attention becomes hyper focused on whatever I am doing. If I get distracted I forget what I was doing.

7) Keep my focus on long term goals. Hmmm.

Seven things that attract me to another person:

1) I love a person who is self confident, man or woman. My best friends seem to have a grandiose sense of self. I admire a person who walks through life with a purpose, searching, reaching for a goal, exuding a zest for life that inspires imitation.

2) More so than confidence, a sharp wit. Someone that always has an answer with a funny twist.

3) Moral conviction. I don't mean this religiously; I admire a person who knows the difference between right and wrong in any situation, someone who knows when the line has been crossed even slightly. An extreme example is Seth Bullock on Deadwood, who knows who he is and what he stands for, and makes absolutely no compromise when somebody intrudes on his beliefs.

4) In a woman, I have to admit I am attracted to the tempestuous, sporting a Do Not Disturb sign, and shiny red buttons that are begging to be pushed.

5) I like a person who can comfortably talk about issues that matter to me, whether personal or political.

6) This should probably be number one, but I absolutely love a person who gets my off beat sense of humor. There is no better payoff than a belly laugh to a joke I was sure nobody would get. I love a person who laughs anyway, but when they think I'm funny...

7) Dutifully last, there is nothing like a pair of long, shapely legs. Women come in all shapes and sizes, and there is no rule here. If a woman has nothing else of classically physical importance, a great set of gams can put me on another planet.

Seven things I say most often:

1) Shite

2) Fuck an A

3) I love you kid

4) Sugar Tits - My nickname for my wife. Intentionally ribald and tongue-in-cheek. Oddly, she doesn't mind.

5) Fuckin' Guy - This has to be said with an Italian mafioso accent with a slight laugh while shaking my head. Said to someone who has crossed me in some fun way.

6) Khaaaaan - Geeks know

7) We were small, but we were slow.

Seven celebrity crushes:

1) Sally Ann Howes - She could be my grandmother, but in my mind she will always be Truly Scrumptious.

2) Teresa Wright - Unfortunately Teresa is gone, but she personified many of the qualities that I admire most in people. I fell in love with her after seeing her in Hitchcock's Shadow of a Doubt. She had an inner light that was unmistakable even when she was old. She played Miss Birdie in the Rainmaker, and she was so cute.

3) Hilary Swanke - I wouldn't call this one a crush, but she is certainly a beautiful woman, and a deep, interesting person; she seems so anyway from the roles she takes. She was NOT attractive in Million Dollar Baby, but at the Oscars she was so gorgeous.

4) A waitress at Slates in Walnut Creek. I don't remember her name, but she was just about as attractive a woman as there is in this world, totally down to earth and friendly without an ounce of pretention. She told me that her idea of a perfect afternoon was curling up on the couch for The Price is Right.

5) Trisha Helfer - The sexiest Victoria's Secret model turned Cylon in the universe. I saw her in an interview, with a floral print dress and hair long, flowing and straight, almost like the girl next door; she looked sexier than I had ever seen her, and had a disarming smile and an airy, affable manner.

6) Brooke Burke - This is more of a animal attraction thing, but aside from her obvious qualities, she seems like a genuine person and has a nurturing smile. I could be wrong about, but then who cares?

7) Monica Crowley - I saw her on Real Time With Bill Maher, and she held her own in a sea of a hostile audience, Bill's other guests and Bill himself. Bill had to regress to sexual inuendo as most men do when faced with an intellectually superior female opponent. Smart and sexy; intimidating for most men, but not for me.

Seven bloggers I'm tagging: I apologize if you have already been tagged, I chose who I think may not have been already:

1) Mr. T
2) MagnetBabe
3) A Darcy
4) Tee
5) Ashynioki
6) Tanya
7) Joely