Old School and Fountainhead

I finished the Tobias Wolff story. That man is an author and a reader. As an author he is a student of life, able to bring his characters to life by recounting the subtle thoughts and actions we do without thinking. The way he described for instance how an old professor missed the way his students looked at him when he walked down the hall, how they parted to let him pass, how they would forget themselves when excited over a piece of writing, or how they broke out in song with little provocation. Wolff gives you the sense that he is not only a writer, but a master observer of life. He doesn't tell us anything we don't already know. It's that he points out what we do know but never speak of--not just the dirty secrets, although there are some. He draws astute conclusions as to the nature of his characters.

The section on Ayn Rand was especially grand, because his main character may as well have been me during the time he discovers and becomes enamored with her philosophy. He starts seeing the world as populated with weaklings, and himself as superior. But after hearing her speak, and listening to her shrill disdain for the world, he is no longer able to read a word without hearing her voice.

Rand makes no compromise for the folks who are unable to fend for themselves, such that a handicapped person I suspect she would just as soon push in front of a bus, and feel it her moral responsibility. I admire that she is strong, but she is like an embittered general who has witnessed the death of too many of those he was sworn to protect.

Still, I will be ever grateful to Rand for spreading her word. She represents an ideal of strength, of standing on ones own, doing a job, however menial, to the best of ones ability. To be selfish, and we all are to varying degrees, is not a bad thing--in fact, she postulates (as if it were fact) that you must be. It helped me to release a large burden of guilt, allowed me to pursue my life on my own track. It helped me in no uncertain terms to be a man in the classic sense, such that nobody could question otherwise. But Rand would still not be satisfied with the man that I am, because I still have a conscience. I am able to take from her what I need and leave the rest.

I highly recommend reading the Wolff book if only for that section, especially if you are a Rand enthusiast, or even an apostate.