Essence

Work, work, a days vacation, and more work. That's what I've been up to, and will be again today. We took the kids to Canobie Lake in southern New Hampshire yesterday. At first I was disappointed, until we found the wing of the park for children. My youngest son is only two and a half, and being so young, he mostly has to watch his older brother have all the fun. Not at Canobie Lake. Wow. There were more kiddy rides than I can account for right now. Helicopters, space shuttles, dragons, cars, trucks, boats--a dream come true, all safe and slow. Hardly any wait. And in some cases, since nobody was waiting, the operators just let it roll for four or five times the normal duration. There is nothing sweeter than genuine unguarded glee from your children.

I had a strange dream last night. Apparently I was divorced. My son was hanging out with me when a guy from my office stopped in to pick my son up. Jackson was thrilled to see him and jumped up on his shoulders. The guy from my office was his step-father now, and told me that he was heading out, that Jackson went everywhere he did.

My first reaction was jealousy, but the smile on Jackson's face arrested that emotion. He was happy. Despite myself, it made me happy too.

I wanted to end it there, but I feel this will be misunderstood. There is no way that I will ever get a divorce, or let someone be a father to my sons while breath fills my lungs. The point is, in a strange dream, I experienced the true essence of love.