Tuesday, August 01, 2006

The Opposition Chimes in

Yesterday I posted about Joan of Arc, known as Jean D' Arc to her friends, and how the French seem to disregard her critical contributions to the very survival of their country today. Poor GW, our maligned and bumbling leader, was the subject of a cheap shot, delivered by yours truly. In the interest of fair play, and for your enjoyment--but mostly mine--here is what his opposition would say.

John Kerry: I have been consistent on this since the term consistent was created. Consistently I have said that King Charles should have consistently marched on Rouen and taken Joan by consistent force. I voted for it before I voted against it.

Al Gore: I promised myself I wasn't going to salivate or slobber on the podium, but how dare he? How dare King Charles leave that poor girl to burn at the stake?! Huh?! After all she did for this country. That slag-off, that poor excuse for a man, never mind a King. After she delivered Orleans into his ungrateful hands--HOW DARE HE?!

Howard Dean: Not only are we going to Rouen to take Jean D' Arc back, King Charles, we're going to Brighton and Worthing and Horsham and East Grinstead and Royal Tunbridge Wells, and we're going to Guildford and Redhill and Kingston. And we're going to Merton and Rochester and Bexley and Grays. And then we're going to London baby, to take the Royal Palace! Yeaaaaagggggh!!!

13 comments:

Kathleen said...

I never use the adjective Poor to describe Dubya.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

I was in Guildford on Sunday. It would be pretty easy to storm.

They couldn't defend themselves against Joan Rivers, let alone Joan of Arc.

Scott said...

Kat - True dat.

Toast - Oh, I forgot my disclaimer. I've never been to England and have no idea whatsoever about any of those towns, if they existed in the 1400's, other than they tend along the path from France to London. Just having a little fun with the text of Dean's speech.

Jaye Wells said...

I like that's you're fair in your satire. These made me laugh. Every time I think of that Dean speech I chuckle. Poor guy.

Toni Anderson said...

LOL-- :)

jamie ford said...

I have Dean's barbaric yaaaaarrrgh, on my ipod. It never ceases to amuse.

Devon Ellington said...

Very funny! Good work, and good capturing of the character in the monologues.

mr. schprock said...

How about…

Bill Clinton: Indeed, I did have a relationship with Joan of Arc that was not appropriate. In fact, it was wrong. It constituted a critical lapse in judgment and a personal failure on my part for which I am solely and completely responsible.

Beth said...

Dean was hysterical. I love when politicians can really give you a good belly laugh. I guess that's why I miss Ross 'the Boss' Perot.

Scott said...

Jaye - I actually liked Dean's enthusiasm on that speech. At least he had some spunk. Al Gore figured it out too late.

Toni - Glad you enjoyed!

Jamie - Yeah, that was a classic.

Devon - Why thank you.

Mr. Schprock - Dang. How could I have left Billy Bob out of this one. I'm glad you brought it up though, in the spirit of fair play.

Beth - The concept of politician as entertainer is severely underrated.

Moni said...

The Howard Dean statement...ROTFL!

jason evans said...

I join in the general applause on the Howard Dean bit. You nailed it!

Bailey Stewart said...

Still waiting for that story, huh? LOL

The Dean speech was excellent, thanks for the chuckle.